Reason

I know is wrong,
So do I keep coming back?

Cause I'm not able to convince myself,
That I'm better off without you...

Agnes Carlsson (2009)

what to do?

I know something that i shouldn't know.

if i tell you,it seem like putting a barrier between you and him.

if i dont tell you,i just worried you will get hurt.

what to do?so headache...

Happiest thing in my life

Someone told me that happiness is priceless and always in our own hand but i slightly disagree.

If you ask me about what is my biggest happiness in my life,i would answer that biggest happiness in my life is have been loving you but unfortunately you are not on my side.

My happiness is not on me but in your hands and you shared with someone else.you taken away my happiness and left me alone in the painfulness.

My life is ruined,happiness is not with me and you're gone.

I don't even own my happiness.

what should i do in my future?

Bad trip

Today is your birthday but i'm away for holiday.

It should be a happy trip but it suddenly reminds me that u will going back to somewhere and I feel so scare that I missing you...

Just can't wait to go back KL now and see you...

Altought I know is a short distance but why the feeling is so strong?

Something that you will never know

Always pretend alright in front of you,but you will never know how i feel when you are not with me... :(

You will never how pain is my heart when i blessing you and him happy always.

You will never know how upset i am when you refused to accept my friend request that time.

You will never know how lonely i am when i workout alone in the gym.

You will never know how sad i am when everytime i see your relationship status changed to married.

You will never know how bad is the feeling when you told me u are so glad to know and meet him.

You will never know how suffer i am for expecting you come to the gym but you didn't show up.

You will never know how dissapointed i am when everytime you rejected me to have tea time with you.

You will never know how empty i am when i missing you in the silence night.

You will never know how wish i can chat with you when i see you online on facebook/MSN but i scared to annoy you.

You will never know jealous i am when i think of you and him together.

You will never know how hurt i am when the time i wanted to express my feeling and explain to you and you left me in the same time.

You will never know how i worried about you when you told me you will leaving here.

You will never know i cried for you sometimes.

You will never know i having bad insomnia evernight because of thinking you too much.

You will never know the only way for me to temporaily forgeting you is smoking and masturbating.

You will never know my heart is broken and become pieces now because of you.

You said me crazy about someone last time,but when i'm crazy about you but unfortunately you never knew that.

I never want to let you know all these feeling because i don't want u feel sad,guilty and blame yourself.why?cause i dont wanna worry about me...

Maybe what you told me was correct,i shouldn't disturb someone in a relationship and i shouldn't told you i have been loving you.

I hate myself too late realized of loving you.

Don't leave me alone in the dark side...

without you

Without you,sugar is not sweet anymore,
without you,MSN seem like so empty,
without you,the sky is not blue anymore,
without you,stars in the sky not shinning anymore,
without you,my heart feel like broken,
without you,i cried every night,
without you,my arms is empty cause i cant hug you,
without you,my lips are cold cause i cant kiss you,
without you,i feel like blinded cause i cant see you,
withyou you,i feel like a deaf cause i cant hear your voice,
without you,sun is not warm anymore,
without you,the sea not salty anymore,
without you,my world like a winter day,
without you,the cars like no engine,
without you,my saving account like no deposit,
without you,my wallet like no money,
without you,gold is not worth money anymore,
without you,mirrors wont reflex my image anymore,
without you,my birthday is not worth to celebrate anymore,
without you,like no more news in newspaper,
without you,rainbow is not colorful anymore,
without you,disco is not rock anymore,
without you,the glasses cant fill water anymore,
without you,diamonds is not bling anymore,
without you,magnets like no magnertic force,
without you,water seem like cant quench my thirstyness,
without you,blood is not red anymore.

you are so important to me,
why?

just because I LOVE YOU...

I Love You not because I Need You,
I Need You Because I Love you.

痛苦和等待

你毁了我的一生，当我最需要你的时候你却和人家在一起。你习惯了但我一点都不习惯啊！当你在转换别人的想法之前，请你好好为那一个人的未来着想好吗？我的一生都为了你而陷在感情的痛苦深渊里。你现在开心但你有没有想到我的感受？我之前有不对的地方，但都没伤大雅啊！我说我那时有喜欢其他人，但你却生气了我。当我想给你机会时你又去了哪里？但你的过错却毁了我的一生。你害我一辈子都抬不起头面对我的朋友！也许我写这些会显到我自私，但你更自私，我的一切一切都被你毁了。。。有时候我真的真的很希望重来没有遇见你！没遇见你的话可能我和平常人没什么两样。如今说什么都没用了，你已经属于人家的了。而我只可以痛苦的等待。。。

我真贱

明明有一个爱我的人，又好又体谅人但我却喜欢一个吊儿郎当的人而且还把经常躲避人家。现在人家有男朋友了我又觉得好像喜欢上他了。怎么办？有时我拒绝人家先现在又喜欢人家，我真贱格！把人家当成救生圈。

Stalker

Recently i do aware that so many stalkers that always come to disturb me...
but why? it is because i am instructor?i am also a human being...
did you know your act will bring me headache and problem?
and OFCOURSE,that's annoying!
so please,stop disturbing me!

p/s : might offended,but that's fact!

贪新鲜

整个月都没有update我的blog了。
果然证明我有够贪新鲜的。。。
一个月一次，又没有人看，看来关掉算了。。。
像垃圾一样的blog。。。

a better choice?

recently just realized that i already did something wrong that until can't return to the point of begin...

talked to some of my best friends,it's seem like they cant help me to slove my preblem and keep asking me not to think too much...

been thinking for more than one month,sometimes just think maybe keep being wrong might be a better choice for myself...

thats make me headache alot...
what to do?

A sence of satire

i know,i'm in love now...
but what can i do?
people don't like me...
sometimes wondering,what the use i have so many pursuers?
i am not interested with them at all...
the person that i love have no feeling with me...
so why do i need so many pursuers?
it's useless...
what a surpreme irony to my life...

I need a clear direction.

what am i doing now...?
i know i shouldn't fall in love with someone...
but,i really cant control my feeling...
and i know,i am not allowed to in love with my target...
so why do i keep being so stubborn?
it is so suffering...
please tell me what to do?

is this my fault...?

Is been a long time never update my blog here...just feel like nothing to do and just wanna write something to share but i know,no one is reading...

Recently,i found that i in love with someone.after let some of my friends know who is my target,no one agree and encourage to date my target.and i know,i fall in love with someone i shouldn't with it...

it is being in love with someone is so suffering?i never been in love like this before,so suufering until i can feel my heart is pain.i missed my target everyday,almost every hours...anytime and anywhere.

i know is sickening,but i really cant control myself to thinking about my target.
what to do?gosh that's make me feel so annoyed...

出殡

上个星期六我的舅母因车祸而过身，真的有一点接受不到。看到我舅母的棺材在墓穴里面，想哭又哭不出来。。。看见从小就陪我长大的舅母躺在墓穴里，真得很不像那样就看到那样就与世隔离。如果可以，我真得很希望这只是噩梦一场，睡醒来就算了。。。

我做错了

一个星期前，我做了一件在我人生中不应该做的事。现在回想起来，我真得很后悔。现在每一次看到他，又怕又懊悔，我真的很不想看到他，因为每一次我看到他我真的不知道要如何面对他。现在我真的天天活在恐惧中。我很怕，要怎么办好？

这是什么样的人啊？！

最近在gym里和某个人反脸，我也不像这样做，可是他的确很过分。。。还在gym里唱衰我的名誉，这种人我有是否要和他计较呢？

话说在4个月前，我在gym里被人性骚扰，当让我会把这一件事情告诉我的朋友叫他们防范，其中一个是"S"。但我没想到"S"把我的事情唱通街，让每一个人都知道这一件事。我能不火滚吗？而且在gym里"S"每一次见到我要提一次，讲一次，笑一次才开心，才甘愿闭嘴。更令人讨厌的是，当我不想理他时，他大大声问我是不是想念那个在厕所里骚扰我的那个人，有这么过分的人吗？

某日，我决定不要和"S"说话时，恶梦开始了。。。几天之后，"S"在Facebook不停的唱衰我.他写我幼稚，假惺惺，我喜欢给男人搞，什么难看的字眼都写得出来(如果你是同性恋者我必须在此说明我没有鄙视成分)这严重影响了我的名誉，直到某间健身中心叫我不要乱乱和member胡搞。你说我能不生气吗？

更离谱的是，他不但不知已经得罪我，而且在Facebook里写这是上天叫他这样做，说我死了之后要放在博物馆里让大家看什么是gay，本世纪最大的笑话。。。可是，我想让他知道，我并不介意让他知道我被人骚扰的事，但我很介意他把我的事唱通街，放在网上让大家笑。他说他很成熟，我很幼稚，但你有没有想过你的一举一动让我很讨厌你？你有没有想过你的谣言会让我的名誉扫地？我在这里写并不是要发泄，而是想要让你知道一个成熟的人不会乱说话，得罪人。如果你真的很成熟的话，你不会拿我们的丑事来“分享”给你的朋友。你成熟的话，你不应该在网上说你爸爸是白痴，要F**K他。

这种人，真的不知道要如何应付他？

第一次

看见朋友们一个一个开始的写blog,无无聊聊又开了一个属于自己的blog。。。

早就想开个属于自己的blog但又很懒。。。但想想下又可以发泄一下自己的心情。还是开了算了。第一个的开始，希望你们可以支持我。。。